The Streaming Screamers segment is all about films that are streaming legally for free online at sites such as Hulu and Fearnet. These sites are great for the living impaired on a budget, as all they require is a computer and internet connection.
Hulu.com has Hellraisers 4 through 8 up for free right now. They also have 3 available on Hulu Plus. I don't think I've seen 3, and this poor zombie doesn't shell out for Hulu Plus. Originally this post was going to include all four of these cinematic gems, but the write-up was taking forever. So here's the first segment Hellraiser 4, Bloodlines.
By the way, my synopses and reviews are generally SPOILERific. You have been warned.
Bloodlines is the Christmas Carol of Hellraiser, with Hellraiser past, present, and future all in one crazy tale. The ghosts of Hellraiser are all male members of the Merchant family played by the same guy.
The film opens with the future Merchant is a space ship, where he's built a fancy chamber with a remote controlled robot to open the box. Just when things are getting good, he gets busted. He sits down with a space cop (or private security person?) named Rimmer and becomes the narrarator. Even though Rimmer's a non-holographic woman, the presence of a space person named Rimmer was enough to put this into my head for days:
Suddenly the movie is a period piece, with a Marquis de Sade type chracter commissioning the box from a young toymaker. They also throw in some stuff about how they're in the age of enlightenment but this guy is an occult magician anyway, and with the help of his assistant, a bamboozled hooker, and the box, he will show them. Of course things go horribly wrong, and when the princess of hell, Angelique, shows up, she offs the Marquis dude and the toymaker. She seems pretty pissed at the toymaker, like "I will destroy your line" pissed. The toymaker has a son that survives.
Then fast forward: the great great great great great great grandson of the toymaker is some kind of artist/designer/engineer/giant toy maker, and he's getting a big award. Apparently the talent skipped a few generations, because Angelique suddenly becomes aware that the toymaker's line is still alive. Angelique tracks down Merchant and the box, which is inexplicably and conveniently built into a support beam in the basement of the place present Merchant is receiving his award, and springs Pinhead and his chattering dog. The three of them try to use present Merchant to open a permanent gateway to hell, everything falls apart, nobody wins, and Merchant's son lives on.
I should mention that Angelique walks around in a corset and is generally kinky and seductive in a way that no one in league with hell seems to be after this movie. Bloodlines is pretty much the last Hellraiser film with an s&m flavor to it, which I think makes a Hellraiser film. After this one, all of the Pinhead, the cenobites, and the other assorted agents of hell are slashers, mind gamers, and vehicles for morality tales.
Also, I think this is the last time that awesome hell machinery (not just chains) pops up and creates a new cenobite -- twin nordic-looking security guards that get twisted together.
When future Hellraiser returns, they're back on the spaceship, the narration is done, and the cenobites start hunting everyone down Alien-style until Merchant flies the cenobite infested ship into the sun. I forget if he escapes or goes into the sun too-- I just wasn't that invested in his character. But in all, I would call this the last enjoyable Hellraiser movie and the one I actually watched twice while writing this set of reviews. I give it 3 out of 5 brains.
